Why did I Respond
By Kevin Liu
Of course I stole
this quote from Ms. Darion. The main reason I stole it was that I had to for
this assignment: “I knew that I was no legitimate resident in any world of
ideas. All I knew then was what I
wasn’t, and it took me some years to discover what I was.” In short I tried to
think and discover. I failed.
What is my purpose
in this world? I often question myself
whether I am on the right track of where life is taking me. Coming out of
college at the age of 20, it was a milestone for me personally. Of course, my
family certainly expected nothing but the top achievements from me. I had the
trouble of painting my life ahead of me, not because I didn’t have expertise in
a distinct field-I possessed a technical background in finance and currently
IT, but simply because inability to deal with a stable idea. I welcomed life
with a kind of a hopeless late adolescent energy to buy some temporary
supplement of what are my ideals and goals.
Someday, I wanted to be a 3 star Michelin chef working with the finest
chefs around the world. Some months, I had this awesome hope I would make it to
a basketball league where “Amazing Happens”. And finally some years after, I
came down from that entire bubble gobble and decided to be a consulting
analyst, working the usual 9-5 office hours, earning the 5% brokerage
commission rate plus my base salary.
When
I talk about a future in my mind, I am talking specifically, about things and
that can shimmer around the details I can tell my grandchildren. There used to
be an illustration of all my life motivations showing ideas I need to start or finish to be somewhere, sometime. I plan
to draw and blueprint down to the molecular structure level of what day and
what time I need to finish a to-do task. After this got way over board, I sat
back and just chilled. I let my goals and ambitions float and lie low. I could
not and did not want to pretend to be someone I am not.
I
didn’t give up on my goals and pursuits. It merely tilted in a different
direction, under a different light. I got off the ladder which I gave myself
earlier on and realized it is time to be realistic. Before I took things for
granted, thinking there is always a soft plan B if plan A didn’t work out. In a
bizarre sense, I had nothing to lose. I was young and dumb. This won’t last long because time told me so.
Have you tried to ask back one minute of your life back? It is up to me who I
can be and what should I do. I want to work hard on improving myself for my
future. It will be challenging; every steps along the way, still I am ready to
take on these ongoing challenges. With everyone’s guidance and logical
insights, I found myself.
